I keep up with news at home through the local paper online. Over Thanksgiving, a story broke about two young men that were found dead in an apartment, no sign of trauma. I told Kevin right after I read it that I guessed drugs were the culprit. One of the men was a soldier home on leave from the Iraqi War.
Yesterday, they reported that a heroin overdose killed the man in the Army. It made me so mad, for several reasons. Firstly, this man was buried shortly after his death, with full military honors. I realized they can't exactly hold off to wait for toxicology reports to come back, but he deserved no such honor in my opinion. He may have been a great soldier, and yes, he served in Iraq, but when you make such a selfish, stupid choice to do such a horrific drug- especially while under contract by the U.S. Military- well, no honor should come to you. Soldiers take an oath, to serve this country honorably, in uniform and out. You are held to a higher standard. You are more accountable for your actions. You represent this country. Not to mention you stand the chance of wrecking your whole future if you get caught, a dishonorable discharge will follow you around the rest of your life. It isn't like getting fired from a job, it's more like having a criminal record.
This man had a family. He had a child. Why?? It was only a matter of time before that article got a comment wondering if things he had experienced in Iraq had pushed him to use drugs to "forget". Ok- well I can understand experiencing the unimaginable during war. I still cannot understand why choose to use drugs.
If there is one thing that I have learned while being married into the military, is that help is around every corner. They provide more resources for any kind of help than any civilian job or insurance coverage I have ever heard of. And not only is it free of charge to the soldier, they remind you constantly that it is there. I am sure even moreso when you are in a combat zone. I, as a military wife, have gotten help in a heartbeat. (not for drugs! lol- for other things) I know, as only a spouse, how much help is out there. That is how much they let you know. In Okinawa, where we only had AFN channels to watch on TV, there were no commercials, so they ran historical facts and local facts and information on military services in turn. Many of those commercials revolved around resources for help whether it be gambling, abuse, substance abuse, emotional help... so on.
It disgusts me that someone who should have been representing our country honorably, died doing such a selfish thing. And his family, his child have been left to pay the price.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Things that are "normal" to me
Being married to the military is exciting, terrifying, exhausting and stressful. It is also quite a privilege. My Dad was completely right. Only certain people are cut out for it. I was thinking the other night, about things in my life that are "normal" that in the civilian world are not. Here are a few of them...
-I have fallen asleep many a night to the sound of artillery booming in the distance
-I have passed convoys of humvees while on my way to the grocery store
-I move every 3 years or so
-I need to show ID to get to my home
-When my husband goes on "business trips" he can be gone for months
-On these "business trips", I have heard live gunfire while on the phone with him
-My husband can't always come home and tell me what happened at work
-My husband gets up some mornings and practices hand to hand combat
-I see and hear military aircrafts flying overhead quite often
-Near my house, there is a motor pool and barracks
-in your neighborhood, are there street signs that say "Stryker Dismount Point"??
It is an interesting life, that is for sure.
-I have fallen asleep many a night to the sound of artillery booming in the distance
-I have passed convoys of humvees while on my way to the grocery store
-I move every 3 years or so
-I need to show ID to get to my home
-When my husband goes on "business trips" he can be gone for months
-On these "business trips", I have heard live gunfire while on the phone with him
-My husband can't always come home and tell me what happened at work
-My husband gets up some mornings and practices hand to hand combat
-I see and hear military aircrafts flying overhead quite often
-Near my house, there is a motor pool and barracks
-in your neighborhood, are there street signs that say "Stryker Dismount Point"??
It is an interesting life, that is for sure.
Friday, December 14, 2007
How the heck...
My kitchen is a mess. It looks like the dirty dish tornado ripped through here. How does this happen, exactly, when it is just me and two very small other people in this house right now?? I am not cooking full meals, so the dishes should be minimal. I usually give Kaya breakfast and lunch on paper plate as well so I am just not understanding what is going on in here. Thank goodness for dishwashers though, without it, I would be screaming and asking to be committed.
On a happier kitchen note, our new microwave arrived today. Behold the beauty and power of the newest member to our Cuisinart stainless steel small kitchen electric family. And finally, we have a microwave with an actual microwave plate in it. Not our sad version of a dinner plate on the rotating wheel. I can finally make popcorn again without starting a fire!!
Let's just hope a coyote doesn't pee on this one. (This is a true statement and if you don't know the story just ask)
On a happier kitchen note, our new microwave arrived today. Behold the beauty and power of the newest member to our Cuisinart stainless steel small kitchen electric family. And finally, we have a microwave with an actual microwave plate in it. Not our sad version of a dinner plate on the rotating wheel. I can finally make popcorn again without starting a fire!!
Let's just hope a coyote doesn't pee on this one. (This is a true statement and if you don't know the story just ask)
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Happy Birthday Hali-Bear!!
My little Hali-bear is one!!! I cannot believe how time flew. This has been one rollercoaster of a year, and I am so glad it is about two weeks away from being done. But today I celebrate my little munchkin's birthday. I am so lucky to have two beautiful little girls, healthy and happy. I cherish each and every second I get with them, even if sometimes they make me want to pull my hair out.
Love you babies :) And Happy birthday Hal-bear!
Love you babies :) And Happy birthday Hal-bear!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Maybe there is something to be said for religion and faith....
It's been a while, I know. Since then- of course a lot has happened personally. Hali is full on walking, it didn't take long after those first two shaky steps. Kevin fought, and lost a battle to postpone going to BNCOC again. So he is in Georgia now, enjoying the warm weather and hating the chow hall food, and also cramming all the schoolwork he put off here. I put my two weeks notice in at Macy's, then took it back. I wasn't sure if my schedule there would work with my schedule of Kevin not being here, but I worked something out with my manager. But the largest event, the most sad and unbelievable is this.
A childhood friend of mine lost her brother in a Black Hawk crash in Northern Italy. He was a Captain in the Army, a company commander, a pilot, a newlywed, a brother, a firstborn son, a good Christian in all sense of the word, a friend... this sentence could go on and on. There are many reasons I think this loss has hit me so hard, even though my memories of Christian only extend in my childhood as "Maja's quiet older brother". Maja and I met when we were three years old when we both started taking violin lessons through the same teacher. We continued to go to all the same elementary, middle and high schools. I went to her birthday parties, I saw her on weekends at group lessons, in school - if we had a class together, more likely than not, we sat next to or near each other, owing to the fact that her last name and mine both started with "Sko". When I think back on my childhood, the Skoglunds were a very steady pillar in my memories. I recall one elementary school trip where we went to one of the museums in Chicago. On the way back home, the bus got stuck in traffic and we were considerably late getting back. I remember it being dark when we arrived at the school and all the parents were already there waiting. Mrs. Skoglund was one of the chaperone's, and her and Maja and I were all sitting in a seat on the way back. Both Maja and I passed out on her lap. I remember waking up with her comforting arm on me and wondering why we were still on the bus.
Now I wish I could give comforting arms to Maja and her Mom.
This event has made me think so much on the part religion and faith and beliefs play in our lives. Maja and her family have a strong Christian faith. The truly believe what they are taught from the Bible, and they live by that. When I was younger, I didn't understand that, and truthfully- I still don't. I was not raised in religious household, I didn't go to church. That said, it doesn't mean I don't have morals or my own faith and beliefs. But I look upon their family, and see such strength and success and I don't doubt for a second that their upbringing played a huge part in that. Through such a huge loss, the outpouring of love for this family has been tremendous. Their strength in such a trying time is admirable. Many families would and have crumbled and self-destructed under such duress. I know their faith and their love for their God and Jesus (yes.... I said it!!) is taking them through this. And I say it and I believe it.
Although I did not know Christian in adulthood, reading through Maja's blog and Christian's wife's blog shows me exactly who he was. He was the kind of person most people only wish they could be. In 31 years he lived more life than most people do in 80. He embraced life, in all regards. He excelled at sports, at school, in the military. He was a risk taker, a pilot, a biker. He was an exceptional human being. We should all be so lucky if we live lives half as full as his. But yet, it was much too short. Christian should have died old, peaceful. With his family, his children, his children's children at his side. With a life lived in full on his terms. But someone had bigger plans, and I know that. I don't say that to try and comfort myself when I don't understand why things happen. I know this from past experience. I truly believe that God has a bigger plan, and there are things we just won't know about until it's our time to know.
I know I don't speak like this often and it probably come as a surprise to some of you that I have this side to me. Yes, yes... I too pray, sometimes. I believe in God. I question things written in the Bible, yes. I have not always lived my life in an honorable manner, but I don't think that has anything to do with my lack of religious guidance, but rather because of my strong will to do things MY way on MY terms.. and yes, sometimes not thinking things through. But, all in all, everything in my life so far has been a learning experience and I have learned from them. And I may be far from perfect but I'm learning and I'm trying. And I feel like I am succeeding in the most important task I've ever tried to tackle: parenthood. My children are definitely a gift from God and I don't take that for granted in the least.
As I ramble, the point I am meaning to get to is this.
There is something to be said for the man Christian became and now, will eternally be remembered as.
Two things reflect directly upon that: His faith and his parents.
So, if this is any testament to a religious and faithful upbringing- then I am much more open minded to it. It's not so scary.
And to the Skoglunds, I mourn with you. I cry with you- more often than you know. Here on Earth, we are left with the heartache. But I truly believe that Christian is the person he is because of you- his family, and because of his beliefs in God and Jesus. And I truly believe that prayers and love will get you through this. So that is what I send to you, every day.
A childhood friend of mine lost her brother in a Black Hawk crash in Northern Italy. He was a Captain in the Army, a company commander, a pilot, a newlywed, a brother, a firstborn son, a good Christian in all sense of the word, a friend... this sentence could go on and on. There are many reasons I think this loss has hit me so hard, even though my memories of Christian only extend in my childhood as "Maja's quiet older brother". Maja and I met when we were three years old when we both started taking violin lessons through the same teacher. We continued to go to all the same elementary, middle and high schools. I went to her birthday parties, I saw her on weekends at group lessons, in school - if we had a class together, more likely than not, we sat next to or near each other, owing to the fact that her last name and mine both started with "Sko". When I think back on my childhood, the Skoglunds were a very steady pillar in my memories. I recall one elementary school trip where we went to one of the museums in Chicago. On the way back home, the bus got stuck in traffic and we were considerably late getting back. I remember it being dark when we arrived at the school and all the parents were already there waiting. Mrs. Skoglund was one of the chaperone's, and her and Maja and I were all sitting in a seat on the way back. Both Maja and I passed out on her lap. I remember waking up with her comforting arm on me and wondering why we were still on the bus.
Now I wish I could give comforting arms to Maja and her Mom.
This event has made me think so much on the part religion and faith and beliefs play in our lives. Maja and her family have a strong Christian faith. The truly believe what they are taught from the Bible, and they live by that. When I was younger, I didn't understand that, and truthfully- I still don't. I was not raised in religious household, I didn't go to church. That said, it doesn't mean I don't have morals or my own faith and beliefs. But I look upon their family, and see such strength and success and I don't doubt for a second that their upbringing played a huge part in that. Through such a huge loss, the outpouring of love for this family has been tremendous. Their strength in such a trying time is admirable. Many families would and have crumbled and self-destructed under such duress. I know their faith and their love for their God and Jesus (yes.... I said it!!) is taking them through this. And I say it and I believe it.
Although I did not know Christian in adulthood, reading through Maja's blog and Christian's wife's blog shows me exactly who he was. He was the kind of person most people only wish they could be. In 31 years he lived more life than most people do in 80. He embraced life, in all regards. He excelled at sports, at school, in the military. He was a risk taker, a pilot, a biker. He was an exceptional human being. We should all be so lucky if we live lives half as full as his. But yet, it was much too short. Christian should have died old, peaceful. With his family, his children, his children's children at his side. With a life lived in full on his terms. But someone had bigger plans, and I know that. I don't say that to try and comfort myself when I don't understand why things happen. I know this from past experience. I truly believe that God has a bigger plan, and there are things we just won't know about until it's our time to know.
I know I don't speak like this often and it probably come as a surprise to some of you that I have this side to me. Yes, yes... I too pray, sometimes. I believe in God. I question things written in the Bible, yes. I have not always lived my life in an honorable manner, but I don't think that has anything to do with my lack of religious guidance, but rather because of my strong will to do things MY way on MY terms.. and yes, sometimes not thinking things through. But, all in all, everything in my life so far has been a learning experience and I have learned from them. And I may be far from perfect but I'm learning and I'm trying. And I feel like I am succeeding in the most important task I've ever tried to tackle: parenthood. My children are definitely a gift from God and I don't take that for granted in the least.
As I ramble, the point I am meaning to get to is this.
There is something to be said for the man Christian became and now, will eternally be remembered as.
Two things reflect directly upon that: His faith and his parents.
So, if this is any testament to a religious and faithful upbringing- then I am much more open minded to it. It's not so scary.
And to the Skoglunds, I mourn with you. I cry with you- more often than you know. Here on Earth, we are left with the heartache. But I truly believe that Christian is the person he is because of you- his family, and because of his beliefs in God and Jesus. And I truly believe that prayers and love will get you through this. So that is what I send to you, every day.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I'm Crafty!!
So this is exciting for me. Kaya's first Halloween where she gets to go Trick-or-Treating is coming up, and she's going to be a princess (of course, it's so fitting). I've been searching all over for a proper princess "hat".. you know, the cone shaped one with the streamer type fabric coming out of the top. Well, I tell you- tiaras have taken over the world and the cone hats you do find are made out of FABRIC.. which in my opinion defeats the purpose of the CONE!!! They don't stand up on their own!! Kevin said some kid probably poked themselves in the eye or something and the company got sued so now they aren't allowed to make pointy hats. Makes sense to me.
Anyway, my search led me to Michaels where I found a small foam princess hat, complete with a streamer of white tulle (netting-like fabric) coming out of the top. And it was all of $3- which was great because the other shitty princess hats I found were going for like $6. Even though it only came in hot pink and dark purple, I decided to buy it and experiment. If I failed miserably, oh well, I'd buy a damn tiara in the end.
My plan was to find some fabric that went with her dress and somehow cover the hat with it. I found some gold lame' (you know- the shiny gold fabric that was oh so popular in the 80's- when I was little I SO wanted a gold lame' dress!) at WalMart and bought a yard (less than $3). Then the creativity ended. That material and hat sat for a good two weeks before the other day, when in a burst of "domestic-ness"... things my mother taught me from my youth suddenly came back to me. I peeled the hat apart, which wasn't too hard- it was only glued and it came apart with no visible damage. Took the tulle off, which was glued in too, and removed the elastic chin strap. I laid it flat on Kaya's little drawing table over the paper, traced the outline, then traced a line around it about an inch and a half wider. Cut the paper pattern out, attatched it to the fabric and cut the fabric pattern out. I had no craft glue or hot glue gun (surprise surprise- i'm not THAT domestic!!) , so I used regular tape to see if it had actually worked- it did! And the funny thing is, the lame' is sort of sheer so the hat looks like a light pink gold which really REALLY matches her dress! I went out and got craft glue for like a buck something and affixed all the material to the foam, then glued it back into the cone shape. Instead of gluing the tulle back, I just tied a knot in the end and pulled it back through the top. Two snips in the holes for the chinstrap and it was done. And it looks good!! I was really proud of myself, as dumb as that sounds. And it cost little under $8, which is great since the crappy, non-pointy, non-matching ones were like $6.
And now I am officially turning into Martha Stewart. Ha ha.
Oh yes and I got the job at Macy's. Woo hoo!
Anyway, my search led me to Michaels where I found a small foam princess hat, complete with a streamer of white tulle (netting-like fabric) coming out of the top. And it was all of $3- which was great because the other shitty princess hats I found were going for like $6. Even though it only came in hot pink and dark purple, I decided to buy it and experiment. If I failed miserably, oh well, I'd buy a damn tiara in the end.
My plan was to find some fabric that went with her dress and somehow cover the hat with it. I found some gold lame' (you know- the shiny gold fabric that was oh so popular in the 80's- when I was little I SO wanted a gold lame' dress!) at WalMart and bought a yard (less than $3). Then the creativity ended. That material and hat sat for a good two weeks before the other day, when in a burst of "domestic-ness"... things my mother taught me from my youth suddenly came back to me. I peeled the hat apart, which wasn't too hard- it was only glued and it came apart with no visible damage. Took the tulle off, which was glued in too, and removed the elastic chin strap. I laid it flat on Kaya's little drawing table over the paper, traced the outline, then traced a line around it about an inch and a half wider. Cut the paper pattern out, attatched it to the fabric and cut the fabric pattern out. I had no craft glue or hot glue gun (surprise surprise- i'm not THAT domestic!!) , so I used regular tape to see if it had actually worked- it did! And the funny thing is, the lame' is sort of sheer so the hat looks like a light pink gold which really REALLY matches her dress! I went out and got craft glue for like a buck something and affixed all the material to the foam, then glued it back into the cone shape. Instead of gluing the tulle back, I just tied a knot in the end and pulled it back through the top. Two snips in the holes for the chinstrap and it was done. And it looks good!! I was really proud of myself, as dumb as that sounds. And it cost little under $8, which is great since the crappy, non-pointy, non-matching ones were like $6.
And now I am officially turning into Martha Stewart. Ha ha.
Oh yes and I got the job at Macy's. Woo hoo!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Let's start from the start, shall we?
So i've decided to take the plunge into "blogging". What a nerd I am, no need to comment on that, I already knew it. Lately, i've had so much emotional CRAP going on I have been looking for an outlet to express it without having to actually talk to people. Ha ha.. so this is perfect I guess. I really just wanted friends to know what is going on, without worrying and without me having to sit on the phone for hours rehashing the same story to different people.
Well let's see. Hali took her first two steps today, between the ottoman and the big chair. I don't think she realized she did it, she just wanted to get closer to Kaya (of course). I immediately called Kevin to rub it in. We've been anticipating her first steps for the last week or so.
Kevin and I are going to counseling- again. But this time with more realistic expectations. We are trying to find some happy medium and be able to communicate and trust one another again. LONG ROAD but i'm actually working toward it this time. I have to. All excuses and bullshit aside, he is the father of my beautiful little girls and what is best for THEM is to have two parents (married or divorced) who can co-exist peacefully, and can communicate for their best interest. When we have acheived that- then I will think about the next step. Right now reconciliation or whatever is not even on the schedule. One step at a time people!
I have an interview at Macy's tomorrow. Been here 2 1/2 weeks (or something) and already have an interview. More luck than I had in Wisconsin! Well, whatever kind of crappy retail job it is, we need the extra money. So fingers crossed that they will be able to offer me a decent schedule.
I sort of stopped going on MySpace. I believe it is the root of all evil. Just kidding, I just don't feel like going on there anymore. I feel like I need to clear out my life a little, so I can get things in order for myself. Yeah and that includes crap like not going on myspace, or getting rid of my cell phone(or, more truthfully- breaking the sim card)- however it happened, it's a good thing. I feel more "uncluttered" already. My life needs simplification- and more activity. I want to do more "things" like take some classes at the Y (with Kaya & Hali and just for myself too). I want to start doing something creative like scrapbooking (again... nerdish and very "stay at home mom") or painting. We'll see how that pans out.
We took the girls to a pumpkin farm last weekend and Kaya had a blast. There was a petting zoo, which of course Kaya loved. She has this amazing love for all animals and I love seeing her so excited when she gets to pet and hold them. She held a bunny for the first time and it was love. The look on her face was so sweet and she even kissed it (voluntarily- not with me or Kevin prompting her to). We picked out 4 pretty decent sized pumpkins and carved them the other night. Which.. by the way, is really exhausting!! I haven't carved a pumpkin since I was about 21 and Kevin hasn't since he was a kid. We bought one of those Pumpkin Masters carving kits and they turned out really well. And after we were done- we were both physically exhausted. Kaya didn't really give a shit about the carving but she had fun looking at the finished product.
I'm slowly getting back to cooking again, which I missed. I made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup, so huge that I gave half of it to Sandy & Charles. And the other night I made stuffed shells and gave some to Misti & Steve to eat for dinner. Even with all this crap going on with me & Kevin, it's really nice to be here and be around other families. We have some really good friends out here and it's been nice to be able to have their support system.
That is about it for today- I have to get out of my sweats and get ready. We have counseling again today. We have a great counselor, we are seeing Chaplain Kim from 2nd Battalion and he is a trip. I don't know whether it is because he outranks Kevin, or whether it's because he knows what he's doing or maybe a little of both (i'm sure the outranking thing helps quite a bit).. but Kevin seems to be really paying attention. Which is good. I have to sit uncomfortably through a prayer at the end of each session but oh well. I can tolerate a little bit of God and Jeebus if the end result is that I don't kill Kevin. Ha ha ha!!!
Well let's see. Hali took her first two steps today, between the ottoman and the big chair. I don't think she realized she did it, she just wanted to get closer to Kaya (of course). I immediately called Kevin to rub it in. We've been anticipating her first steps for the last week or so.
Kevin and I are going to counseling- again. But this time with more realistic expectations. We are trying to find some happy medium and be able to communicate and trust one another again. LONG ROAD but i'm actually working toward it this time. I have to. All excuses and bullshit aside, he is the father of my beautiful little girls and what is best for THEM is to have two parents (married or divorced) who can co-exist peacefully, and can communicate for their best interest. When we have acheived that- then I will think about the next step. Right now reconciliation or whatever is not even on the schedule. One step at a time people!
I have an interview at Macy's tomorrow. Been here 2 1/2 weeks (or something) and already have an interview. More luck than I had in Wisconsin! Well, whatever kind of crappy retail job it is, we need the extra money. So fingers crossed that they will be able to offer me a decent schedule.
I sort of stopped going on MySpace. I believe it is the root of all evil. Just kidding, I just don't feel like going on there anymore. I feel like I need to clear out my life a little, so I can get things in order for myself. Yeah and that includes crap like not going on myspace, or getting rid of my cell phone(or, more truthfully- breaking the sim card)- however it happened, it's a good thing. I feel more "uncluttered" already. My life needs simplification- and more activity. I want to do more "things" like take some classes at the Y (with Kaya & Hali and just for myself too). I want to start doing something creative like scrapbooking (again... nerdish and very "stay at home mom") or painting. We'll see how that pans out.
We took the girls to a pumpkin farm last weekend and Kaya had a blast. There was a petting zoo, which of course Kaya loved. She has this amazing love for all animals and I love seeing her so excited when she gets to pet and hold them. She held a bunny for the first time and it was love. The look on her face was so sweet and she even kissed it (voluntarily- not with me or Kevin prompting her to). We picked out 4 pretty decent sized pumpkins and carved them the other night. Which.. by the way, is really exhausting!! I haven't carved a pumpkin since I was about 21 and Kevin hasn't since he was a kid. We bought one of those Pumpkin Masters carving kits and they turned out really well. And after we were done- we were both physically exhausted. Kaya didn't really give a shit about the carving but she had fun looking at the finished product.
I'm slowly getting back to cooking again, which I missed. I made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup, so huge that I gave half of it to Sandy & Charles. And the other night I made stuffed shells and gave some to Misti & Steve to eat for dinner. Even with all this crap going on with me & Kevin, it's really nice to be here and be around other families. We have some really good friends out here and it's been nice to be able to have their support system.
That is about it for today- I have to get out of my sweats and get ready. We have counseling again today. We have a great counselor, we are seeing Chaplain Kim from 2nd Battalion and he is a trip. I don't know whether it is because he outranks Kevin, or whether it's because he knows what he's doing or maybe a little of both (i'm sure the outranking thing helps quite a bit).. but Kevin seems to be really paying attention. Which is good. I have to sit uncomfortably through a prayer at the end of each session but oh well. I can tolerate a little bit of God and Jeebus if the end result is that I don't kill Kevin. Ha ha ha!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)