So i've decided to take the plunge into "blogging". What a nerd I am, no need to comment on that, I already knew it. Lately, i've had so much emotional CRAP going on I have been looking for an outlet to express it without having to actually talk to people. Ha ha.. so this is perfect I guess. I really just wanted friends to know what is going on, without worrying and without me having to sit on the phone for hours rehashing the same story to different people.
Well let's see. Hali took her first two steps today, between the ottoman and the big chair. I don't think she realized she did it, she just wanted to get closer to Kaya (of course). I immediately called Kevin to rub it in. We've been anticipating her first steps for the last week or so.
Kevin and I are going to counseling- again. But this time with more realistic expectations. We are trying to find some happy medium and be able to communicate and trust one another again. LONG ROAD but i'm actually working toward it this time. I have to. All excuses and bullshit aside, he is the father of my beautiful little girls and what is best for THEM is to have two parents (married or divorced) who can co-exist peacefully, and can communicate for their best interest. When we have acheived that- then I will think about the next step. Right now reconciliation or whatever is not even on the schedule. One step at a time people!
I have an interview at Macy's tomorrow. Been here 2 1/2 weeks (or something) and already have an interview. More luck than I had in Wisconsin! Well, whatever kind of crappy retail job it is, we need the extra money. So fingers crossed that they will be able to offer me a decent schedule.
I sort of stopped going on MySpace. I believe it is the root of all evil. Just kidding, I just don't feel like going on there anymore. I feel like I need to clear out my life a little, so I can get things in order for myself. Yeah and that includes crap like not going on myspace, or getting rid of my cell phone(or, more truthfully- breaking the sim card)- however it happened, it's a good thing. I feel more "uncluttered" already. My life needs simplification- and more activity. I want to do more "things" like take some classes at the Y (with Kaya & Hali and just for myself too). I want to start doing something creative like scrapbooking (again... nerdish and very "stay at home mom") or painting. We'll see how that pans out.
We took the girls to a pumpkin farm last weekend and Kaya had a blast. There was a petting zoo, which of course Kaya loved. She has this amazing love for all animals and I love seeing her so excited when she gets to pet and hold them. She held a bunny for the first time and it was love. The look on her face was so sweet and she even kissed it (voluntarily- not with me or Kevin prompting her to). We picked out 4 pretty decent sized pumpkins and carved them the other night. Which.. by the way, is really exhausting!! I haven't carved a pumpkin since I was about 21 and Kevin hasn't since he was a kid. We bought one of those Pumpkin Masters carving kits and they turned out really well. And after we were done- we were both physically exhausted. Kaya didn't really give a shit about the carving but she had fun looking at the finished product.
I'm slowly getting back to cooking again, which I missed. I made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup, so huge that I gave half of it to Sandy & Charles. And the other night I made stuffed shells and gave some to Misti & Steve to eat for dinner. Even with all this crap going on with me & Kevin, it's really nice to be here and be around other families. We have some really good friends out here and it's been nice to be able to have their support system.
That is about it for today- I have to get out of my sweats and get ready. We have counseling again today. We have a great counselor, we are seeing Chaplain Kim from 2nd Battalion and he is a trip. I don't know whether it is because he outranks Kevin, or whether it's because he knows what he's doing or maybe a little of both (i'm sure the outranking thing helps quite a bit).. but Kevin seems to be really paying attention. Which is good. I have to sit uncomfortably through a prayer at the end of each session but oh well. I can tolerate a little bit of God and Jeebus if the end result is that I don't kill Kevin. Ha ha ha!!!
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